I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
