based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize