I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
