Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
