she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
