i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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