two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
