Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
