my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
