God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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