either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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