Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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