How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
