Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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