My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
