These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
