it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
