I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
