Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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