Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
