She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just found a bag of teeth...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
