It was confusing and full of hummus
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
