I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
