You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
