i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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