areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
where are you?
Hypothermia
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Let's get the cat blown out
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
