i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
