apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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