I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize