Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize