where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
