sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
