i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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