Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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