im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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