you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
