you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
