Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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