I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
