Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
