We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
