Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
