If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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