come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You made out with two different species that night
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
