True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
