***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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