If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
