oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
