im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
