Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
