how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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