It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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