i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
