You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dick very happy bro
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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