I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
