The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
