yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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