You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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