we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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