Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
