K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got inside last night via doggy door
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
