I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
