I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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