The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
