This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
