May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize