Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
