so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
