I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
